Guilt

Guilt is a powerful thing. Otherwise confessional would not exist. Otherwise greenwashing will not be a big deal. Without guilt, I suspect the amount of charity and donations will decrease significantly.

And it's inescapable.

I found Andra's Facebook page. She wrote "Aku ingin keliling dunia." Guilt.

A friend asks how to get scholarship to Japan. Another friend is weighing to apply scholarship to the States. Another covets scholarship to Korea. More guilt.

The Japanese language sensei said that the Japanese's notion of 'the good life' in Japan is to live in Kobe, eat in Osaka, and work/study in Kyoto. More guilt.

Yet here I am, spending weekend after weekend cooped up in the dorm. Racking my brain off for a plausible reason for Lesser Sunda Islands getaway during next year's low season. Avoiding north campus and preferring to try to sleep in the library after language classes.

Yes, guilt is a powerful thing. But sadly, it's not powerful enough.

Homo

I am utterly and thoroughly confused. Lifeless. Frustrated. But not (yet) suicidal.

I am bored. Alone. Silenced. Lost.

I am hopeless. Masked. Disguised.

I am Vanity. Pride. Disdain.

I am a loner. Learner. Fool.

I am weak. Frail.

I err. I fear.

I.. am human.

Mundane

If you have the same question like Wijay here,

Let me show you the latest astro-related article tweeted by NewScientist here.

Excerpt from the article:

I've taken the liberty to highlight the appropriate parts. So yeah, it's actually boring. And just like Koothrappali's remark in one episode of the The Big Bang Theory series, we might be replaced by a simple piece of software.

Being hairless and covering it

On my train ride home, for an unknown combination of stimulants, I suddenly found myself thinking about clothing and dignity. My thinking actually started with a simple question, and I spend the remainder of the train ride trying to answer the question. The question was this:

Why do clothing means so much to human?

Think about it. In our current culture, what we wear define ourselves. What we wear symbolize our dignity. It is not little known that we measure the level of education received by an indigenous society by how they clothe themselves. People from deep Papua forest are often considered primitive simply for their lack of clothing. Even more extreme, children are thought that clothings are what differs man and animal. These points raised other questions, like

Why is koteka unacceptable in modern society? Is civilization inversely proportional with how much of human skin left unclothed?*

Ah, civilization. That word remind me of a paragraph I read in this book. It was about the explosion of Mt. Toba, that immediately cooled down earth temperature. Think of it like the Krakatoa explosion, but with impacts several order of magnitudes higher. The author then at some point explains that the explosion posed new problems to human, which by then has evolved to resemble the present day human, fairly hairless and without internal ability to survive the ice age. It is then only logical that they invent clothing.

What perplexed me is how this process is pretty much irreversible. Why didn't our ancestor ditch the extra layers when it got warmer? Particularly for humans who lived in the tropical area?

At that point my train of thought got stuck, and I have to get off the train to change to another line anyway. So I tried to put the whole thing in a timeline.

Our ancestor was covered in hair. But we evolved to be a fairly hairless species. Pardon me for employing the concept of natural selection banally, as this was pretty much what I remembered from Junior High Biology. Anyway, our evolution from hairy to hairless means that hairless appearance is favored (Why? Is it because Africa--the land the first humans roamed was/is hot that we don't need the hair?).

After we become hairless, catastrophe strikes in the form of cold temperature. To adjust and survive, we then create extra layer of skin. We covered our body.

But then it got warmer. And warmer. And warmer. If clothing was simply for function's sake (cold, put more layer. hot, shed some), we'd be seeing more people in their birthday suit in tropical area. But we don't. It's not reversible.

So why? Is it because we look better in clothing? But if that's the case, a lot of people seem to realize that society frowned upon their choice of outfit, yet they insist on wearing the frowned attire anyway. So it must not be solely society perspective. Now my train of thought got stuck again. I'll accept that I am presently unable to find the reason behind the irreversibility of clothing in human civilization.

But then my attention was shifted. If being clothed is good, why must the opposite equals to embarassment? How did we develop that instinct to cover ourselves (or at least, our nether regions) when we're accidentally caught in our birthday suit? Seeing that infants and newly borns doesn't seem to practice this modesty, it must have been something that is taught and reinforced by their interactions with the adults during their development. But the question why remains. Why does being dignified require our skin to be covered? Why don't human wants other humans to see parts of their body? Even when we introduce the lust-containment argument, i.e. women must cover their skin lest they arouse men, the most fundamental principle why clothing define our dignity is left unanswered**.

In the end, I don't argue that clothing are bad, or that we should all live in nudist colony. I'm just wondering how exactly human civilization got to this state with clothing. And my mind haven't even wandered to the variety of value of different clothing for different people. We live in a world where a Sudanese woman faced the threat of lashing for wearing jeans, a piece of clothing that most of us took for granted. We live in a world where a formal attire for men includes a piece of clothing with no apparent functionality: tie. We live in a society that celebrates differences and condescends those that are too different, say by wearing burqa***. We live, in an absurd world.

------------------

* and if the answer to this question is yes, where that leaves models with skimpy clothes that leaves no room for imagination? Or even porn?

** i.e. why the same thing doesn't apply to men, or why men are being given free pass.

*** I have to admit that I personally feel a bit uneasy with those that do wear burqa.

Natural Selection

"You would think that there will be sadness when you start to pull away from Earth. An ache for the mountains, what's left of the beaches. For the sweet smell of the fresh air.

My guess, there is a little bit of that. But, when you are an astronaut, you start asking your self question like: How the hell did I get here? Is it hard work? Fate? Was it a hand of God?

You ask yourself: Why am I one of the lucky suckers leaving? And not one of the poor bastards being left behind?

I think that the obvious question is simply: what the hell happened?

And the obvious answer is that we do not really know."

For your information, today's blog post is brought to you by Defying Gravity.

"Sometimes, I think that the only natural selection happens in the petri dish.

But, if it's in the petri dish, that's not really natural, isn't it?"

TMI, or otherwise known as random little things

I have just re-enact a scene from Calvin and Hobbes, the one that involved tsunami in a tub. It then occurred to me that: 1. I should buy a rubber duck. 2. The designer of the room in the house I live in now must have people like me in mind when designed the bathroom. I'm glad the designer did.

The first Japanese word I learned organically is 'tsugi'. You can't help to learn what it is if you hear that word at least 20 times a day during commuting. This is the typical announcement you'll heard on the train: Tsugi wa Chusojima desu. [half a minute later:] Chusojima, Chusojima desu.

I checked my bank account today, and to my delight, I saw 155.000 Yen on the screen. I took 5.000 out of it, as just an hour before I have spent 11.700 on rent. I went to a SMBC cranch near Chusojima, and its surrounding made me happy just to watch it. I have no idea why. Perhaps that street of road remind me of malioboro, in the sense that you get a glimpse of it before the train stops at a station not ten feet away.

In Indonesia, street musician can throw you your 500rp coin back. But here, coins are not worthless. 10, 50, 100, and 500 yen coins can be used in vending machines and train ticket machines. Cheapest food I found is a small weird donut, 40yen.

If my mom ever visit this place, and getting somewhere with local trains, she'll frown with pretty much everybody, as everyone is using 'sumpel kuping'. Yes, you read that right. But I'll show her that these things that goes in the ear aren't the monopoly of the young, as older people also uses it for their PMP and TV-capable handphones.

I have yet to buy a phone. I am torn. I don't think I'll buy an iPhone, unless the one with the biggest capacity. But iPhone will render my iPod Touch and my SE G502 redundant. I don't need to start accumulating electronic waste here. I heard Xperia X3 will be out soon, though.

You get all sorts of people in the trains, though it's nothing like in Indonesia. I have never used Prameks, but I once used the train from Gambir to Depok Baru and the horrifying KRL(/KRD?) ekonomi from Depok Baru to UI. You don't see people smoking, people are civil, no hawkers, and it's brightly lit.

Now I can identify Yamaguchi and Yamada written in Kanji, though I am still lightyears away from able to read advertisement in a glance.

The language course uses the same book I used back in ITB, Minna no Nihongo. But as the participants are more varied, the book is also livelier. There are people from MY, CN, KR, VN, PE, UK, TW, and EG. Ada satu peserta yang menonjol sih, cewe KR, kita sebut saja namanya Ibu Jumu'ah. She's active and confident, and (this one I like) usually come in class after I do.

You see, Friday in the Japanese calendar is usually represented by a Kanji character that has same meaning (I think) with her name, and it's pronunciation is similar too. Ibu Jumu'ah has successfully made me feel inferior, as there was a section on 'at from what hour until what hour you did your activity'. She said she went home from lab (I think) at 9 in the evening. And she also went to the lab on the day of the sun (ahaha). Me? You had me whining not more than three posts ago on nyampah kayak PNS.

Thursday is the highlight of my week. You can smell the weekend near enough, but you're not as lethargic as Friday. The Japanese sensei for Thu is also very active, with flashcard and everything. Granted, at times, her English isn't very good, but she's very helpful and engaging, and creative with the teaching method. It's like back to your happy days at kindergarten.

The first week I got here, the Monday after that, it was holiday. Even better: next Tuesday is also a holiday. Not-as-cool: Test on Monday: Lesson 1 to 5. All instruction will be in kana, not romaji.

I have four sweater from Twig House (half of them are gift from the good people at SEF). And I found out that the one I wear the most often now has a hole in the shoulder seams. Obviously I had no idea how to fix it, but I'll wear it anyway.

Speaking of, I just found out that there's a drama in development back in Bandung. But WHY DOESN'T IT HAPPEN SOONER? I could've used some drama back then.

Still in the topic, I found that an opinion I heard years ago proved true less than a week ago: international debating competition has a VERY STRONG correlation with your financial capability. I have been oversold. Did the fact that I went to some international competition changed anything to be said of my performance other than extremely rusty? Nope.

But the debaters here always had something from the competition: copy of adj sheet (space to explain decision in writing, and two columns for suggestion for each team) and scoring sheet from each adj that adj them in the comp. Somebody should suggest this in Indonesia. Perhaps for record of intercomp, or newbies.

And I think I might have the chance of observing the life of SEF ITB in the past. You see, the union that they have here isn't only focusing on debate, they only had it for once a week. but they have discussion and speech program, and if I had been right in hazarding a guess, drama as well. Memories of fading photograph with cutbray pants that I saw at SEF office now back to life.

But enough about debating. From the desk of mental pembajak dunia ketiga, I am completing download the whole season of Penguins of Madagascar while keeping myself updated with my favorite TV series. I have also been bragged to my sister on hasil mengunduh Brooke Waggoner, Matt and Kim, dan Marina and the Diamonds. You should also give it a try.

I lost my short after laundry day, leaving me one short short for short. After two days intensive search of my room surface, I found it crumpled beneath the pile of futon and the like at the end of my bed.

The weirdest attire I have seen in the train is this one girl yang pake jepit rambut(?) at least 5 biji buat nahan poni, dengan jarak jepit yang satu yang lain simetris, dan membuatnya keliatan pakai flashdisk di kepala. Add that with the fact that this girl was constantly putting make ups with an A5-sized mirror during the whole train ride.

I had a 'seminar' yesterday. an hour, supposedly covers two section. only able to cover half of it, and the worst confusion ensued over the dimension of force (something you had back in 1st year of junior high), and the divergence of a vector. Hegh. Now why does the USyd poster in the library seems so appealing?

Speaking of library, they have the coolest library I have ever seen (I only have seen three library, actually: ITB, NTU, and Kyodai). Masuknya aja harus gesek kartu perpus! It's brightly lit, unlike satu gedung kusam mirip toilet yang ada di gerbang belakang ITB.

After that Malam Indonesia stint last Sunday, I realized that if there's any reason why I don't eat outside is less because of the language barrier (I can just hazard a guess and main tunjuk) but more on the price. One serving of okonomiyaki and a small bottle of coke cost me 1100 yen. GAH! All I thought during dinner was: ini makanan mahal, sayang kalo ga abis.. :( There's a spice that doesn't suit my tongue.

While my lunch today was awesomely priced 514 yen: nasi dalam bowl paling besar yang mereka punya, dua potong ikan goreng yang gede, bola-bola semacam bakso yang gambarnya ayam, dan miso soup. I practically walking away singing after lunch.

There are more random little things, most of it are on the photo description on the pictures in my MyOpera album. See the link on the right side.

Sorely misses old times

Feels like it's been forever since I hang out together with people from Persma. Will I ever got the chance like them? Iri!
Apa kabar ya SC E-02? Masih bocor-kah?

For some of you who don't know them, meet @zulf1kar, otherwise known as Ijul; @pelangisore, or Lija in short; @memorabiria, or Ria, and Mita! Old gang from Sunken Court East 02.

Might be related: Past Woes

The Traffic and Money

I have been a little bit behind with my RSS reading. Well, 4045 new posts from 209 feeds are certainly something. Then I found this, and honestly, my thought was: I never really thought of it that way.

"You didn't crash into other people's car, you didn't do drunk driving, you didn't cause any harm to anybody. You made a turn at a wrong time. It's an honest mistake.

Imagine how many people will have to push the papers because of this. .... All this people, pushing papers."

I've had a couple of run-ins with the police officers. the first time was first year high school: I don't have a license to ride a motorcycle, I stopped at the wrong stop, the officers signalled me to follow them. 

I ended up paying more than 150K IDR on the spot, and I was the laugh of the family for at least a week. Bear in mind, I was naive and scared. Just wanted it to finished. However, I did remember vividly that the officer puts the money inside his cigarette package. I don't suppose the government ever see a dime of it. Ever.

So I learned, and when 2 years after that, I found myself in a similar situation, I prefer to go to the court. I didn't mind, I had reason to skip class. More than happy to oblige. As it turns out, there wasn't so many people at Pengadilan Klaten, and all I had to do was waited until ticket was given to a judge and my name was called. A short lecture afterwards, I found myself ushered to a booth where I have to pay my fine. 20K IDR. Bent on revenge, I have prepared for this: I gave the officer in the booth a plastic bag, filled with spare changes, Rp 100s, 500s, and 1000s. Ha! Now what are you going to do with it? 

Two years after that, in Bandung, I was given a ticket: I was giving a ride to a friend, and with no spare helmet, it was such luck that there's a police officer happened to be in Tamansari crossing. So I got myself another ticket, and I prefer to go to the court. But then I realized it was a waste of time. I mean, at college you can't just easily skip classes. And in Bandung, the courthouse was packed! Think of the sort of event where people are cramming in to receive zakat fitrah when it's near lebaran. But these are people with similar tickets.

The officer who gave me the ticket wrote the date of the trial--if I can call it like that--on a public holiday, so I went there a week after, again with the spare change. But apparently there's no need to go there, as my files were at Police central office, not at the courthouse (due to the date confusion). Here's where it's funny: I had difficulty extracting the changes from my pockets, and after 15.000 IDR fished out and displayed there, the officer took pity. So I paid even lesser amount of fine! 

Though this rises the question, how much is the fine exactly for these sort of thing? I tried to looked it up, but I don't find anything on it (or rather, I don't know where to look). At any rate, this was an inefficient way of sorting out the mistakes people made in the street. Do people learned any lessons from the mistakes anyway? We paid, we got lectured, we're back on the street, slightly poorer, but business as usual. If that's really how it goes, might as well make it all streamlined and easy. And this is how I found the post from Indonesia Anonymus made me feels, "I never really thought of it that way"

--------

Disclaimer are in order: riding without a helmet is dangerous. Can't really say for myself that I've crashed and without a helmet I'd be dead by now, but protection is what helmets are made for. And as far as riding without a license, I'm not one to give lessons, but I heard the police are making efforts to ensure that you need to be able to do more than paying the officers or the calos to create your driving license.

It sucks. It does.

I'm the odd new guy. Story of my life. Can I have another set of personalities? You know, just as spare and variation. I'm bored with this one already.

-----

Update

I decided I'd better move the whines and rant. Not really encouraging, that's why. So I made it un-public. Thank you for those who gave me support in response for the post. Time to move on, I guess.

The Pirate Solution

I always love The Big Bang Theory, but now more than ever, the newest episode just really got to me. Boy, it's hilarious!

Raj: By the way, when I say squat,I mean diddly-squat. I wish I had squat.
Sheldon: So, wait, what have you been doing for the past six months?
Raj: You know, checking e-mail, Updating my facebook status, Messing up wikipedia entries.
Raj: Hey, did you know netflix lets you stream movies on your computer now?
Sheldon: And you've continued to take the university's money under false pretenses?
Sheldon: Highly unethical for an astrophysicist. Although pctically mandatory for a pirate.